Square Peg, Round Hole

I've never really managed to fit in.  As far back as I can remember I've always surrounded myself with a very small group of people only letting a few in to get to know me.  Maybe it's because I moved around a lot as a kid and had to start over every time, maybe because as an adult my best friend broke my heart and I never really recovered, maybe it's because I know that we'll have to move again soon.  No matter the reason, trying to make that connection with people has always been hard for me.  It could also be that investing time in my family has always been priority one.

As I start the 48 hour countdown to my surgery, I've had to deal with a lot of emotions that are tied into it.  My main reason for doing this is to be healthy for myself, my husband and children.  That has always been my motivation and will always be.  But with the prospect of change, brings the prospect of problems.  I'm a shoot from the hip kinda girl.  I see black and white and usually dismiss the shades of grey that people get caught up in.   However, the very special people I surrounded myself with in Yuma taught me to appreciate and admire those who are not like me.  I was able to make connections with people that could strengthen me as a person and as a friend.

As I have tried to reach out and make those connections here, I have been accepted by a great group of ladies, rejected by some (and not really knowing why) and slowly given a smile from others over time...which has caused me to reflect...will my or has my appearance played a role in this?  I'm not an insecure person.  My self worth has never been tied to the scale (or at least not as an adult).  So this question comes from a place of wonder.  I can only hope (and pray) that I can be myself...and that the changes that are brought about from the surgery only make me a better person from the inside...literally.  A healthier me is all I want.

As I tackle the "what ifs" that come with such a big change, it's good to know there are people that are accepting of me as I am and are willing to support and love me no matter what.  For this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart...because it has been your friendship that has soften my edges and helped me find a place to fit in.

Until next time,
WW