I've never really managed to fit in. As far back as I can remember I've always surrounded myself with a very small group of people only letting a few in to get to know me. Maybe it's because I moved around a lot as a kid and had to start over every time, maybe because as an adult my best friend broke my heart and I never really recovered, maybe it's because I know that we'll have to move again soon. No matter the reason, trying to make that connection with people has always been hard for me. It could also be that investing time in my family has always been priority one.
As I start the 48 hour countdown to my surgery, I've had to deal with a lot of emotions that are tied into it. My main reason for doing this is to be healthy for myself, my husband and children. That has always been my motivation and will always be. But with the prospect of change, brings the prospect of problems. I'm a shoot from the hip kinda girl. I see black and white and usually dismiss the shades of grey that people get caught up in. However, the very special people I surrounded myself with in Yuma taught me to appreciate and admire those who are not like me. I was able to make connections with people that could strengthen me as a person and as a friend.
As I have tried to reach out and make those connections here, I have been accepted by a great group of ladies, rejected by some (and not really knowing why) and slowly given a smile from others over time...which has caused me to reflect...will my or has my appearance played a role in this? I'm not an insecure person. My self worth has never been tied to the scale (or at least not as an adult). So this question comes from a place of wonder. I can only hope (and pray) that I can be myself...and that the changes that are brought about from the surgery only make me a better person from the inside...literally. A healthier me is all I want.
As I tackle the "what ifs" that come with such a big change, it's good to know there are people that are accepting of me as I am and are willing to support and love me no matter what. For this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart...because it has been your friendship that has soften my edges and helped me find a place to fit in.
Until next time,
WW
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Be Careful What You Pray For...
Since my last post I had my final appointment with my Dietician. At this appointment, I would find out whether or not I lost all my required weight, passed all the health tests and was ready to move forward with my surgery.
The days before were somewhat stressful because if I didn't make weight at this appointment I would have to wait until March to meet with the Dietician again (because she's so popular and booked up between now and then) which would push my surgery off until April or May. So I ate the best I've eaten in all my life, while working out and doing everything I could to lose the last four dreaded pounds. Even the night before I almost killed myself on the stationary bike refusing to get off until I hit 600 calories! I fasted and didn't drink a single drop of liquid in the morning (to include my beloved coffee of which has become a naughty, unapproved love affair) so that I would hit that magical number!
And after finally residing to the fact that I would have to wait until the spring for my surgery (while restlessly waiting in the waiting room), little fairies carried me as I weighed in...just perfectly. So I met with my Dietician, satisfied all the requirements, spoke with the RN and got a phone call yesterday with a surgery date of March 2nd.
Oh crap...this is actually happening. So, while I'm filled with excitement...I am a bit overwhelmed because this is real. And I need to get on the ball and finish getting ready for my post-surgical recovery/routine.
Hmmm...now to ponder...a final farewell dinner at Donovan's to my old life? Not really sure if that the way to go because if I gain any weight, my surgery will be cancelled. Ahhh...be careful what you pray for because you just might get it, but it's up to me to keep it!
We shall see what the future brings.
Until next time,
WW
The days before were somewhat stressful because if I didn't make weight at this appointment I would have to wait until March to meet with the Dietician again (because she's so popular and booked up between now and then) which would push my surgery off until April or May. So I ate the best I've eaten in all my life, while working out and doing everything I could to lose the last four dreaded pounds. Even the night before I almost killed myself on the stationary bike refusing to get off until I hit 600 calories! I fasted and didn't drink a single drop of liquid in the morning (to include my beloved coffee of which has become a naughty, unapproved love affair) so that I would hit that magical number!
And after finally residing to the fact that I would have to wait until the spring for my surgery (while restlessly waiting in the waiting room), little fairies carried me as I weighed in...just perfectly. So I met with my Dietician, satisfied all the requirements, spoke with the RN and got a phone call yesterday with a surgery date of March 2nd.
Oh crap...this is actually happening. So, while I'm filled with excitement...I am a bit overwhelmed because this is real. And I need to get on the ball and finish getting ready for my post-surgical recovery/routine.
Hmmm...now to ponder...a final farewell dinner at Donovan's to my old life? Not really sure if that the way to go because if I gain any weight, my surgery will be cancelled. Ahhh...be careful what you pray for because you just might get it, but it's up to me to keep it!
We shall see what the future brings.
Until next time,
WW
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